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Post by jackfrost064 on Jul 17, 2009 1:57:45 GMT -5
Ryan stands at the top of the ski slope, watching his friends getting ready. He wears an awesome blue ski jacket, his favorite charcoal gray ski pants, and an expensive blue helmet that his parents got him for Christmas. His friends are lined up. He hears, "On your mark..." He glances at his buddies. "...get set..." He plants his poles. "Go!" He lunges forward, pushing with his poles, and keeps pumping faster and faster, until he can't pump anymore. He goes into the tuck position, thus making him go even faster! 10 miles...20 miles..30 miles per hour! He passes everyone up! This is the fastest he's gone all season! As he gets to the bottom, he stands up, feeling the rushing wind push against his body. He stops, sending a wave of snow flying through the air. Victory!!!
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Post by sugarrush on Jul 17, 2009 3:40:29 GMT -5
for somebody that was said to have no actuall rp experience that is a heck of a good post... for some odd reason..XD but it feels.. lackage... hmm... other teachers comments before we head off to determine who shall teach? o.o
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Post by UsagiOkami on Jul 17, 2009 11:34:52 GMT -5
Lol he spent like an hour on that and is a hopeless perfectionist, it does seem to be lacking in something I agree but I can't put my finger on it... Perhaps it's something to do with the time frame? The race in the post would have lasted a little while and while descriptive perhaps a whole race would normally be longer in postage so it seems to be lacking? Just a theory since I don't know exactly how long a race usually is.
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Post by Lady Valkyrie on Jul 17, 2009 13:57:24 GMT -5
I agree with UsagiOkami. The time frame seems off and if I had never actually seen people skiing, I'd be completely clueless about a few things, how he made it into that race, how excited or panicked he is, how cold or warm it is.
Beside that, this is really good. Granted it took some time, but that can be cleaned up easily. There shouldn't be any problem with whoever is your teacher.
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